June Bugs

 

Well June was a weird month, wasn't it?  It's been s month of faltering steps and bugs in the machinery of life. After record heat in May, June was like Winter, here in Cornwall. Often wet, sometimes very cold and far from 'Flaming June'. And then suddenly, almost out of nowhere, we had temperatures in the 30s and awful humidity, which is rare in West Cornwall, where it's rarely too hot and rarely too cold. It would be Goldilocks weather, but we have to put up with mizzle and Atlantic storms.  It was a shock how quickly it got warm. No gradual warming up. Just suddenly it was stiflingly hot.

The hot weather did cause some serious problems for us. Hot weather isn't good for MS sufferers and it badly exacerbated my Wife's condition. As a result, she had a nasty fall, which required an ambulance call out. Thankfully she wasn't hurt, but it was a scary situation. She's also feeling poorly with a nasty lesion on her tongue. She's been referred to the ENT department for an urgent appointment because they are worried it could be cancer. So it's a difficult time at the moment, and heatwaves aren't helping. She's got an appointment next Friday. Fingers crossed things work out ok. There was some progress made on the caring front because I have completed my hoist training. 

The hot weather did impact my ability to dress, because it's not comfortable wearing a wig and make up in that heat. But I managed some dressing sessions both pre and post heatwave. For the first session of month, I decided to wear my silver blonde wig. I haven't worn it for a couple of years. I really must wear it more because I really like it. I wore it with a new dress that I got from Damart, teamed with my navy cardigan. I also gave a first wear to my new white trainers by Redfish, which were a bargain from Shoezone for just £5. It was a simple everyday kind of look that I loved.

Towards the end of the month, when things had cooled down, I managed to have another couple of dressing sessions. I had another new dress to debut. This one was a very vibrantly coloured dress that I purchased from Lands End Clothing. It was reduced from £110 down to £33. It's a beautiful dress and really good quality.  I wore it with my short blonde wig, and was really pleased with my look. It was a very enjoyable dressing session. 

My next dressing session saw me wearing one of my Lady Vintage dresses. I chose my 'Cobalt From The Blue', Hepburn dress and teamed it with a lace cardigan and matching gloves, with my white trainers. I wore my short blonde wig again and topped of the look with a straw hat. A very summery look, although the weather wasn't too seasonal, being a bit cloudy and overcast. But these conditions are better for photographs than struggling to cope with bright sunshine, so I wasn't complaining, and it certainly made the colour of the dress pop.

In both photo sessions, I wore my new discovery. Snag tights. I much prefer tights to stockings or hold ups. I find stockings to be such a faff and literally style over substance. So ok occasionally and for an occasion, but not for everyday use.  And Hold Ups, perhaps should be renamed Fall Downs! I also prefer tights of 30 denier plus, because I have a very noticeable scar that runs down my left shin, from 3 inches below my left knee to just above my ankle. It's the legacy of a road traffic accident on my youth and operations to put metal work into my leg  and then remove it a few years later. I also get some psoriasis flare up on my lower legs. So opaques work to hide all that. However I do have an issue with tights. Due to having an apple figure,  they have a tendency to roll down my torso and bunch around my waist.  But because of some, strange voodoo magic, Snag tights don't. They stay put. There is a size for literally everyone. The material clings well and the bands are engineered to keep them in place. So no more tights roll down, and I'm a happy girl. And the packaging they come in is super cute. All candy stripes and loveliness. Some companies go the extra mile to make receiving an order from them, a special event, and these are one of those companies. I loved this card they enclosed with it's positive message. 

I've made a conscious effort to exercise more this last month and I've managed to get my weight down to 93.6kg, so it's definitely going in the right direction. It's hard to keep a regular fitness routine, due to all of the curveballs being a carer can throw at me. But I am trying to exercise when I can. My next target is 90kg and I'm closing in on that. 

I am going to be getting some tattoos on my arms done, hopefully beginning in the Autumn, and I have been working on what I want. I have found a tattoo artist I want to use. Mad As A Tatter in Redruth.  I intend to begin my tattoo journey with two music themed tattoos. I've always been drawn to the red rose design on the album cover of Violator by Depeche Mode. It's an album that I love, by one of my favourite bands and I've always been tempted to get it inked on me.  I also love The Cure, and so I have come up with the idea of having their logo on my arm just above my wrist. I created a design to show this.

I may add some of The Cure's whimsical line drawings from the cover of the Wish album, into the space between The Cure logo and the Depeche Mode tattoo at a later date.

These will be the first pieces of ink that I get done. I'm also thinking about getting a tattoo of the original Harley Quinn, as drawn by Bruce Timm, in the DC Comics, Batman stories. This will be on my opposite inner arm. Something like this, but I will give the tattoo artist carte blanche to create their own design.

I'm quite excited at the idea of getting myself inked. Somehow it seems life affirming. Especially for someone in their early 60s.

  

So what plans do I have for July? It's difficult to say, because of the uncertainty surrounding my Wife, but I definitely will try and have a few dressing sessions. I'm waiting to hear bout respite care, but that will probably have to he deferred until we know more about what is going on with my Wife's health.  I'm going to try and hit my weight loss target, but won't commit to that, but I will definitely make an effort to keep up with my exercise. 

 

Have a good July everyone. 

Dee

💋💋💋

Tip Toeing?

 Tip Toe - A Fictional Drama

Like many in our community, I watched the Russell T Davies drama with much interest. It was a difficult watch. All of the actors were brilliant in this frightening tale of homophobia and right wing radicalisation. There were moments of humour to lift the otherwise bleak tone, especially from the lead character,  Leo who was played by Alan Cumming. The story is basically about the radicalisation of Leo's next door neighbour Clive played by David Morrisey. He is increasingly homophobic and racist and seduced by conspiracy theorists. And when he discovers his own son is gay, he reacts with extreme violence against his gay next door neighbour, who has been helping his son to come to terms with who he is. It shows all of the hatred that is now being directed at the LGBTQ+ community, and how it's amplified and stoked into ideological hatred that dehumanises the members of this community of people. And it ends with the vicious and disgusting lynching of Leo, by Clive and his hate filled gang of followers.  It's a tough watch from start to finish. It shows how a normal, reasonable person can become twisted and inhuman in how they perceive others who are different to them. How those who don't conform to normal can be vilified to the point of having their lives put in danger. And how the source of this hatred is coming from the internet and social media. It twists people into wrongly perceiving others to be against them, or to blame for problems in their lives. And the reactions are becoming increasingly violent and volatile, with the fires stoked by bad actors in society  who are either filled with hate themselves, or have something to gain from this maelstrom of hatred. I have found myself feeling vulnerable and scared and very depressed after viewing this program. Thankfully not scared enough to hide away or walk away and bury my head in the sand. But it has unsettled me. I hope it affects those that see it, in a way that provokes a positive reaction against the awful situation that is portrayed.

However, despite being critically acclaimed and seem as a warning of the awful bigotry that us prevalent today, it isn't being agonised over and discussed at the highest levels, in the same way as Adolescence, the series about boys being indoctrinated by misogyny, was. There was no interview with the Prime Minister to address it and tell us how he watched with his children to educate them about homophobia, as he did with misogyny, following Adolescence. This is definitely something that needs to be addressed. A warning that needs to be heeded.

It was powerful as both a drama and a warning. However it was let down by a poor approach over a couple of issues. One of the characters, played by Elizabeth Berrington was Stephanie, who was Leo's best friend. She was also gender critical. A TERF. She expressed her point of view a few times in the program. Apparently Russell T Davies has friends who are TERFs and believes that we should be able to have sensible discussions with them over the trans issue, and if necessary agree to disagree. So does that extend to being able to discuss the rights to exist as a  gay person with a homophobe, and then agree to disagree? Of course not. So I feel it gave the impression that transphobia is bad, but unlike homophobia not worth losing your friends over. So two tier bigotry. I believe that all bigots should be cut adrift, be it racism, misogyny, homophobia or transphobia. If you are a bigot, then I don't want to know you, and if you're friends are bigots, then you're a bigot too, to paraphrase the song, 'Racist Friend' by The Special AKA.

Another weak piece of writing came during the lynching scene, Clive suddenly feels remorse and begs his mob to stop. But it's too late. Leo is dead. This allows the viewer to almost see his death as an accident. Most bigoted thugs in that situation, don't have any qualms about seeing through their evil.  Clive may be a victim of radicalisation, but by the time he is leading the lynching of Leo, he is beyond all redemption, and should not have been afforded that moment of showing his humanity. 

Those points aside, it should be essential viewing for everyone, even if it is an incredibly difficult watch.

Tip Toe - The Reality?

Today, in the area of Cornwall where I live, there has been a shocking example of transphobic bigotry. It's Pride month, and in the spirit of that, the local library organised a storytelling and crafting event, with a couple of Cornwall's finest drag queens, Ginger and Roxie Moron. It was just a bit of fun for the children. Nothing more. No intentions of pushing any "Trans Ideology" as it's often referred to by gender critical fools. No just a couple of colourful entertainers reading some stories and colouring some rainbows and covering them in glitter. Not transgendered individuals, but men engaged in a craft that has been a British tradition for centuries. Female impersonation for entertainment. One of them, Ginger, even has a full beard. A lot of people, both children and parents were really looking forward to the event.  Just a bit of colourful fun. 

And then something ugly happened. Nasty comments and abuse began to be directed towards the library, and to Roxie and Ginger. There were death threats and abusive and homophobic and transphobic comments being posted. And then it became apparent that some of these bigoted idiots were threatening to turn up at the library and protest. And with that threat hanging over them, the library and the entertainers had no choice but to cancel the event, for the safety of the library staff, the entertainers and most importantly, the children. The last thing they would need is security guards or the police, escorting children and their parents into the venue, in some bizarre recreation of the black students being escorted into the high school at Little Rock, Arkansas in the 1960s, during the civil rights movement. The thugs planning to protest claimed to be doing it for the kids safety. I'm sure the children would be far more traumatised by right wing yobs, than a couple of guys who dress in frocks as an act. Entertainment. A bit of light hearted fun.

This is a screenshot of some of the comments these despicable idiots left on a local Facebook group. 

Disgusting comments. It even references Hitler, as having the right ideas about burning gay and trans books. I think it's Hitler. The melt that posted it, spelt it Hilter! There were worse comments and direct threats made directly to the drag queens and to the library. What might have happened if the event went ahead? Would one of these fascist idiots have decided to make good on his threats.? Could someone have ended up hanging from a lamppost like poor Leo in Tip Toe?

This country has a long tradition of males impersonating women for entertainment,  from Shakespearean actors, pantomime dames and ugly sisters (Shout out to Biggins), Les Dawson and Roy Barraclough's Cissie and Ada, Danny La Rue, Stanley Baxter, Dick Emery, Hinge and Bracket and the Blonde Bombsite herself, Lily Savage AKA national treasure, Paul O'Grady. And not forgetting Australia's housewife superstar Dame Edna Everage! How can any sane person see a threat to children from drag queens? Simple answer? They can't. It just suits their fascist bully boy agenda.

One heartening aspect of this awful situation is the amount of supportive comments being left in support of all those who were forced to cancel this event, especially the drag queens, Roxie and Ginger. It bears out the fact that despite these idiots being emboldened to behave in such a disgusting and thuggish way, there are plenty of people who will stand up to stop these facist scum. And I count myself as someone who will stand up against them.

🏳️‍⚧️💖💖🏳️‍🌈

Defiance, Resistance And Joy

 Defiance. Resistance. Joy

These to me, are at the core of the Pride movement. And until recently, to those on the outside, looking in, it may have seemed to be all about Joy. A big carnival of joyous celebration of being LGBTQ+. A wonderful,colourful, gay Mardis Gras. All drag queens and flamboyant people having a massive street party. And it is all of that. It's an explosion of rainbow colour that brightens up the world for a few hours. People dancing, singing and cheering. Sheer unadulterated Joy. But don't let the rainbows and flamboyant frocks, and sequins and leather, and ear to ear smiles fool you. Pride is not just a party. It is joy. But it is joy as an act of resistance and defiance. And that defiance and resistance are the true reason for the Pride movement  with it's rainbow colours and sparkly glitter. 

Quite simply, Pride is a protest. Yes, there is celebration. But at it's core there is protest. The rights of LGBTQ+ people weren't given to us out of kindness or benevolence, by the powers that be. They were hard fought for. Literally fought for. Stonewall was not a colourful parade. It was a riot. A moment when the LGBTQ+ community said enough is enough and dared to defy. Dared to resist. And they fought hard and began a movement that has won many rights for the LGBTQ+ people in many parts of the world. And it has allowed those of us who followed, to be able to express pride in who and what we are, and to be able to share and celebrate the beauty of that with the world. And with that comes the colour, and the joy, and the sparkle of the Pride movement. But as much as it's a celebration, it's also a warning. Don't think we won't fight for our rights, if you start to come for us. We are still defiant and we are ready to resist. And despite the tiny, but noisy minority of gays and lesbians, who try to split us apart, the LGBTQ+  community has the backs of everyone who identifies as being in our family. If necessary Pride can become a powerful movement of resistance, very quickly. 

It's important that both the LGBTQ+ community and the wider world know that Pride is a protest as much as a celebration, because the people who would oppress us and persecute us, never went away. They were defeated. They had to slink away into the shadows. But they didn't suddenly become enlightened and queer loving. They sat in the shadows and licked their wounds and planned and plotted the counter resistance. Did the groundwork to prepare to re-assert their odious views and rules upon us. And to resurrect their twisted world order. 

So yes the LGBTQ+ community march with joy and colour and glitter and sparkle and, as the name suggests, a whole lot of Pride, but it should always be remembered that it's a celebration of what we have and what we have achieved and who we are. But it's also a big 'FUCK YOU' to anyone who is against us and our right to exist in society. And it's a warning. Don't try and put us back into our old hiding places. We won't go without a fight. And history will always be on our side.

Another aspect of the Pride movement and the big flamboyant celebrations is quite simply, being seen. Being noticed. Being here. One question I hear a lot from the non LGBTQ+ majority is, 

"Why do you still need Pride and marches, now you are accepted in society?"

Well there is a growing number of bad actors in the world, who want to rollback on our rights. And so we need to keep ourselves vigilant and seen. We need to have events like Pride to tell our story, our history and show who we are. To engage with the rest of society in a positive way. To break down any barriers or to dispel any prejudice if we can. To show that our differences are small and our similarities are far greater. 

And the visibility of Pride and it's colourful celebrations, are hugely important in context of the World. The United Nations recognises 65 nations which explicitly criminalise consensual same‑sex sexual acts between adults. And in 11 of those countries it carries the death penalty. 12 countries criminalise dressing in the clothes of the opposite sex, thereby criminalising being trans. And many other countries have no legislation against prejudice and discrimination against the LGBTQ+ community. Some countries have legislation or guidance in place that intentionally and actively discrimimates against the LGBTQ+ community. So it's important that the Pride movement continues to have it's colourful events, to act as a beacon of hope to shine into the darkest corners of the world. 

At the moment  there is a concerted effort to undermine the rights of trans people, in many countries that had previously supported them. A concerted campaign to drive these people out of society and back into hiding. This is happening at government level in a number of nations, including the UK, where I live. And it won't stop with the trans people. Once they have been effectively eliminated from participating in society, they will start on the gay and lesbian community. There are efforts to try and prevent organised Pride events being promoted or even taking place. But they will continue to take place. Because they aren't street parties or carnivals or celebrations. They are actually protests. Don't let the rainbows and glitter and sparkle fool you. They are protests and if you try and ban them as events,  they will still happen. 

Our Pride is Beautiful. Colourful. Loving. Welcoming. Flamboyant. Fun.

But we should never forget it's true spirit. 

Joy as an act of resistance. 

Deeanna Williams 

Proud to be Trans and Queer and a part of the LGBTQ+ community. 

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

💋💋💋

Post Script 

Due to my Wife's worsening health and disability, I have so far been unable to attend any Pride events, since moving to Cornwall. I had planned to attend a local event on Saturday, but my Wife was too ill to be left alone. But one day, I will put on one of my gorgeous vintage dresses and attend one in all of my glory. 

 

Flickr Without Burning Out

 

Or The Lazy Girls Guide To Flickr

Flickr Burn Out? It's definitely a thing. Something to be wary of, if you are active on Flickr. This post is about how I have learnt to enjoy being on Flickr and avoided being burnt out by it.

First, I should explain, in case some don't know,  that Flickr is a photo storage and sharing website aimed at photographers. However, it has been turned into a form of social media by the transgender community, with a lot of Tgirls and trans women and trans men and crossdressers using it as a way of interacting with each other. 

Basically, you post photos of yourself onto the site. You also seek out other users to view their photos,  and before too long, you will have a list of people you follow. And hopefully a list of people who follow you. And you can comment on people's photos and they can comment on yours. There are groups you can join to post photos in, which gives your photos a wider audience, and you can join in discussions. 

Unlike a lot of modern social media, these days, Flickr is quite old school, and very unobtrusive. It doesn't constantly try to connect you to other users, unlike Meta products like Facebook and Instagram. And it doesn't bombard you with unsolicited content that clogs up your viewing feed. If you are on the free version,  you do have to put up with adverts, but other than that,  you choose what content you want to see.

You can block or remove anyone who you don't want to be able to interact with you. In general, it's a good place to hang out and enjoy interacting with other people in the TG community. 

I've found Flickr to be very important in my life as a Tgirl. I've made some very good friends on there. I've been inspired by many of the wonderful photographs of other Tgirls, and also by how many of them conduct themselves and live their lives.

I have had so much support from others, and had some wonderful comments on my photos  which has helped myself to develop and thrive as my girl self. It's been wonderful and I will never leave it. It's been good to me.

But there is a downside to it. You can end up suffering from, what is essentially, Flickr Burn Out. But how does something that's so positive, end up burning you out? 

With Flickr, it's entirely possible to do too much of it. It can become a little addictive. Getting positive feedback and lovely comments on your photos, really does feel good. And you have so many photos from other users, to view and comment on. It's great. And this is both the positive and negative aspect of Flickr. 

It's possible to get yourself into a situation, where feel a need to post photos on a regular basis to keep yourself seen. And also to receive that positive validation that can come from getting lots of views, comments and people adding your photos as favourites. It can also feel good when lots of other users want to follow you.  And you want to follow others. And it's always nice to comment on the photos of those you follow. And it's wonderful when they comment on your photos. You get a genuine endorphin rush when that happens. And surely that's good, right? Well yes and no.

It's always nice to receive positive feedback on how we look, or what we are up to in our TG lives. But we can end up doing too much of it. Ultimately, if we aren't careful, Flickr can end becoming a dominating factor in our lives. And it can become a chore.

Following too many other users. Feeling a pressure to post regularly, and for some that can mean several times a day.  Feeling a need to actually create photographic content to post and suffering from anxiety as a result. Feeling a need to comment on everyone's photos. And feeling a need to reply to every comment on your own photos. All of this can make Flickr become a chore. It can take over your life. Before you know it, your constantly thinking about creating content, spending hours viewing other peoples content and commenting on it, and spending hours responding to comments on your photos. And if you fall behind on any of this you can feel a sense of anxiety.  Your entire life can end up revolving around Flickr. 

When this happens, shouldn't we just stop? Give it up? Go cold turkey? For some  that may be necessary.  I reached the stage of feeling burnt out by Flickr a few months ago. And recently, I've seen a few others withdrawing with signs of it. So it's time to get rid of it? Cut it out?  Well not if you actually enjoy Flickr and want the benefits, but not make it a burden or a negative in your life. 

Here's how I stepped back from too much Flickr use, without having to do rehab.  

First I looked at how many people I was following. It was 600. That's a lot of people to follow. And some people follow thousands of other users! The activity feed can become a continuous blur of feminine loveliness to view and comment on. Too much feminine loveliness in fact. I decided that I needed to follow a lot less people. But who to keep following and who to cut from the list? 

I began by cutting anyone who hadn't posted for a year or longer. The exception being some close friends who had sadly passed away. I kept them, because sometimes I like to reminisce and visit their pages. But anyone else who was inactive got cut. That reduced the list by about 150 people. Next I looked at people who I never really engaged with. Most of these were people who had followed me, and I had felt that I should reciprocate. Reciprocating is one way to guarantee an unwieldy list of people you follow. Only follow back if you really love their content enough to want to actively engage with them.   Or if you like what you see and they begin to actively engage with you. By cutting out people who I never actively engaged with, I had the list down to about 200. Now I could see the wood for the trees. 

Flickr allows you to apply filters to who sees what content. And some of these filters apply directly to your followers. These filters can be applied to each individual followers. You can leave them as a basic Follower. Or you can add them as either a Friend or Family,  or both, so Friend & Family.  You can allow content to be viewed by just Family, or just Friends, or just Friends & Family or by Everyone. As well as targeting the content for these categories, which I rarely do, they serve another very useful function. You can see them as separate lists of your followers. And this is a very useful tool for helping to make using Flickr manageable. 

When you view your own Flickr Photostream, at the top of the page you have your avatar picture, and header with your name listed. Below your name is the number of people you follow, and the number that follow you. If you click on either of these, you access the lists of these people. You want to access the list of people you follow.  This automatically brings up a list of all of everyone you follow.  But at the top of that list you will see a box with Everyone written in it, the total number of people you follow, and an arrow indicating a drop down menu. Dropping down the menu reveals the categories as follows along with the number you follow in each category. At the moment mine reads.

Everyone (142)

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Following  (79)

Friends (39)

Family (35)

Friends and Family (11)

And by clicking on each, you get a list of just those in each category.  And that is a big part of how you keep Flickr manageable. 

I try to keep my total list of everone I follow to around 200 or less. At the moment it's 142. That's still a large number, although much less than many people follow.  If I was going to interact with every person who is posting regularly, and comment on all of their photos,  I would be there all day. I used to actually have many more people who I followed, and I used to comment on all of their photos and I would be up into the wee small hours of the morning doing it, and going into work, bleary eyed with a couple of hours sleep. Definitely not healthy or sustainable.  So I make the Following, Friend, Family categories work to help manage the situation. 

Following  

That's people who I don't interact with that regularly. But I enjoy seeing their content when I have the time. If I really like something they've posted, I might comment on it or Favourite it.

Friends 

These are people who, in an ideal world, I would like to view their photos, comment on them, and maybe favourite them if I have the time. 

Friends and Family 

This is the smallest list. Never more than 15 people are on this list. This are people I follow, who I regard as my closest friends on Flickr. Some are people I have met, some are people I interact with regularly in some way, and some are people I just really like. I will always try and make time during the week,  to view and comment on at least some, if not all of their photos. 

So with these lists, I can now manage my viewing and interaction level depending on how busy my life is. For me personally, it's not sustainable to be able to comment on all of the photos of the people I'm following. That luxury tends to be reserved for a day when there's very little going on in my life, and I have hours to kill. That doesn't happen very often, but it's nice when it does. On these days I just view whatever is in my Activity Feed. 

A more usual situation is that I'm able to view my Friends list and run through it, once or twice a week and comment on at least some of the photos they have uploaded. 

Occasionally I am so busy that I can only manage a small window of time to spend looking at Flickr, so I will only view and interact with my Friends and Family list. These people are my closest friends and Flickr, and in many cases, in other ways. I care about these people and want to interact with them.

When things get really difficult for me, I step away from Flickr completely. No one is going to be any the worse of,  because they didn't receive a comment from Deeanna Williams for a week or two.  I usually make a post announcing that I'm going missing for a while. Just so no one expects anything or worries about my absence. 

And I forget about Flickr for a while. 

One aspect of Flickr that can create a rod for your own back, is comments on your photos. Not the comments themselves. But a need to say thank you to each comment poster. If you are especially popular and get lots of comments, you can spend hours replying to comments, thanking everyone.  I have done this in the past. It can consume most of your alloted Flickr time, if you're going to do this. I now only respond if a comment requires a response. Perhaps they ask a question or make a point you want to reply to. That's ok. Just don't get yourself into an endless rut of typing, "Thank you for your lovely comment xx" time and time again. This way lies madness.

Now let's move onto posting your lovely images.  Some people post all of the photos that took in a photo session, all at once. And most of those photos will have much fewer views and less interaction than the first 3 photos in the batch upload. Because people don't usually go far back beyond what they see in the Activity Feed. It's far better to upload between 1 and 3 photos at a time, rather than a dozen. 

Posting daily can also create problems, especially if, like me, you like to write a narrative to accompany your photos. Quite simply, the more you post,  the more you have to find to say. And you want to write something that people want to read. So you end up having to be constantly creative. I have found myself struggling to find a narrative to accompany a photo on many occasions. So I now adopt the mantra 'Less Is More'. I post when I have a photo and narrative ready to post. And I post it when I feel ready and not to some self imposed deadline. This means that I'm not too burnt out and frazzled to write a narrative for my photo. And to myself, at least,  it feels like each photo drop is more of an event, rather than an endless task of posting photos. Posting on Flickr should not feel like the task of Sisyphus.

So that's my guide to keeping Flickr fun, and avoiding spending too much time and effort on it. Always remember, it's supposed to a pleasure using it, and never a chore

Deeanna 

💋💋💋

 

A Bustle In Your Hedgerow?

 

"If There's a bustle,

In your hedgerow, 

Don't be alarmed now, 

It's just a Spring clean, 

For the May Queen"

Lyrics courtesy of 'Stairway To Heaven' by Led Zeppelin 

Exactly what a Victorian fashion accessory might be doing in the bushes, I don't know, but I'm always happy when May arrives, with or without the May Queen. It's usually my favourite month of the year. The FA Cup Final and the conclusion of the football season. The Eurovision Song Contest,in all of its wonderfully camp glory, and the RHS Chelsea Flower Show. The weather is usually nice. Pleasantly warm, but not too hot. And never too wet. Just nice. And it's a month when I usually begin to shake off any Winter related malaise.

But this was definitely not a normal May. The weather has been weird, to say the least.  At times, cold to the point of almost being frosty. Lot's of rain. And then a record breaking heatwave. It's definitely been a weather rollercoaster. 

And as a football lover, it's been a rollercoaster month on that front too. My team, Southampton has been doing well in EFL Championship this year and just missed out on automatic promotion to the Premier League. Nevermind, we were in the play offs and in great form. The Premier League beckoned. And then came the infamous 'Spygate'. Quite simply, we got caught spying on our opponents training sessions, which is against the rules and despite winning the Play Off  semi final, we ended up being thrown out of the Play Off Final. So I'm absolutely appalled and disgusted by the actions of a club I love. And it's going to cost the club tens of millions of pounds in lost income, not to mention the reputation and integrity of the club. The club's nickname is 'The Saints'. It will be 'The Sinners' from now on.

Eurovision was the worse one I can remember, with a very poor selection of songs, except for the winner, Bulgaria's Dara with a banger of tune called 'Bangaranga'. The UK entry was rubbish. And it has to be said this was probably the least camp and queer Eurovision since the days when Sandie Shaw was singing about puppets. And it had the spectre of Israel's participation and the boycott by five member states. 

So what's been happening here at home. Well things have continued to be difficult, but with some considerable light at the end of the tunnel.  We have had some help from occupational health for my Wife and we also got offered funding for her to spend a 7 day break in a residential care home to give me some much needed respite.  So hopefully we can get that organised before too long. I will be using the opportunity to spend as much time dressed as Deeanna as possible, and will try and time the break for a time when I can visit my friend Veronica and her wife. Maybe a day out in Penzance  for a walk along the lovely promenade in a vintage dress. I'm also thinking about possibly having a makeover done at Sophie's Dressing Service in Plymouth. Whatever happens it will be an opportunity for lots of femme time, and it will be a chance for me to recharge my energies. 

My last post on here, was about my little dressing space in the garden. Well I had a rather unnerving experience in there a couple of weeks ago. I went over to sort through my wardrobe. And when I came to come back out   the door lock mechanism broke, and I couldn't open the door. I was trapped. And I didn't have my mobile phone with me. The windows are toughened glass, so it would have been difficult to break them. I thought that I would be trapped until my Wife noticed me missing and called for help. I decided to run at the door and shoulder charge it,throwing my whole weight against it. This I did and thankfully it flew open. It was a huge relief to be out. I could have been locked in there for a long time. Definitely a lesson learned about always carrying my mobile phone with me. Once out, I called a locksmith, who replaced the broken lock mechanism for a price that wasn't too bad.

The garden is looking very nice at the moment with plenty of floral colour on display. I do enjoy gardening. Besides crossdressing, it's my greatest passion. And May is also the month when the flower shows start, with the Malvern Spring Show and the RHS Chelsea Flower Show. As a member of the RHS, I used to attend both, but sadly due to my caring duties it's been over a decade since I last attended one. But I enjoyed the coverage on the telly, and this year seemed a very good show. Here a few photos of my own garden.

So what's been happening on the dressing front, I pretend to hear you ask? 

Well I managed two dressing sessions during May. Do you remember the blue Seasalt dress that I mentioned buying last month? You don't?

Let me jog your memory.  I posted an AI generated imagining of what I might look like in it.

AI Image Of Seasalt Dress

Well I had a few hours to dress and so I was able to actually wear the dress and scarf as per my design. And it looks and feels great to wear. I'm very pleased with it. It's definitely going to be a dress that gets a lot of use. I teamed it with a navy blue scarf, as per my AI creation.

Wearing The Actual Seasalt Dress

I also wore the dress without the scarf for those days when the weather is a little warmer. It's a wonderful dress.

Seasalt Dress Sans Scarf

Did I say warmer weather? Oh yes I did. Much warmer weather. Not just warmer, but full on Mediterranean heat. The mercury climbed to 30 degrees C, which is very rare in Cornwall. But it didn't stop me having another short dressing session. I just went with the hot conditions and dressed to deal with them. I wore my blue paisley patterned, kaftan type dress with my actual rose tinted sunglasses, and found a shady spot in the garden to sit and relax in the early evening. 

Enjoying The Warm Weather 

At the end of the month I shared a lovely phone call with my good friend Rebecca George, a Tgirl from London.  We have been friends since 2011, and so it was lovely to chat to her. Sadly she is having a difficult time at the moment, because her wife is unwell, and she is having to juggle being a carer with her busy life.  As a fellow carer, I offered her my support. But to be honest, the last thing we really need is to moan about our respective caring situations, so we just had an enjoyable chat about our lives as Tgirls. She's a lovely girl and speaking to her is always a joy. 

Rebecca George 

Rebecca writes fashion articles for TransLiving International and has many published in the old print magazine they used to publish, and now provides articles for their online site.

https://transliving.co.uk/articles/

https://transliving.co.uk/author-rebecca-george/

She also has many wonderful photos on Flickr, where you can also read her wonderful stories about the scandalous Lady Rebecca Georgina Arabella Lyndon, Duchess of Basingstoke, and her life as the most titled and notorious call girl known to high society. 

https://www.flickr.com/photos/rebecca_george/

She really is one of the most creative and fun spirits I know and a total joy in my life.

So onto next months plans. I hope to dress a lot more next month.  I have just taken delivery of a new dress from Damart, which I hope to wear early in the month.  I have created an AI image of what it should look like on me. I am going to buying some white tennis shoes next month.

AI Creation Of Damart Dress

I'm also going to wear the dress I bought from Lands End Clothing last month.

AI Creation Of Lands End Dress

And hopefully I will get the chance to put this look together later in the month. 

AI Creation Of Blue Dress And White Lace 

So let's hope June goes as planned. 

Deeanna 

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Deeanna's Sanctuary

 

This little building is Deeanna's sanctuary. The place I can be the real me. The place that I can the solace and satisfaction that can only come from my crossdressing. Without this space, Deeanna couldn't exist. And ultimately without this space, I couldn't exist at all. 

When I began crossdressing regularly back in 2009, I made a decision to be honest about it and tell my Wife. It wasn't a smooth coming out process. My Wife was not happy about it, and we had a rough few weeks, during which, we nearly broke up.  But we managed to work through it, and eventually came to an arrangement based on compromise. My Wife didn't want to see me dressed or know any details about femme life. I could dress when she was out, and I was home alone. I could go out dressed for trips out to see friends or out shopping. And when I was with my Wife at home, I was just the same me, she'd always known me as. Her husband.

The arrangement worked brilliantly. I was living in South Hampshire, and went out for two evenings a month to the Totton Disco and the T-Girls Get Together event in Lyndhurst. I even had overnight stays in Milton Keynes to attend events at Pink Punters LBGTQ+ nightclub.  Sometimes I would go out for a meal with friends. I also had days out shopping and trips to Bristol, Bath, Oxford, Salisbury and London on the train. Sometimes on my own and sometimes to meet friends.  And from Spring through Summer, and into early Autumn, I had nearly every Saturday to myself, from late morning, to the early hours of Sunday morning, as my Wife worked for a company that did the catering at weddings. Those Saturdays were pure bliss. It was all going very well.  It was the perfect compromise. Until it wasn't. 

The arrangement worked brilliantly for three and a half years, and my crossdressing existed in a careful situation that minimised it's impact on my Wife. My clothes were kept in a closet I built in the loft. I would go up and bring down whatever I needed and keep it out of sight, until I was ready to dress and become Deeanna. 

And then it slowly went wrong. During 2011, my Wife had a few unexplained problems with her balance and numbness in her legs and. She had a couple of falls. But the GP suggested trapped nerves and possibly an inner ear infection. Then she had a problem in her hand and the GP said it was carpet tunnel syndrome. She developed pains in her face and was told it was neuralgia. And then she had massive spasms in her legs and the GP said that all of the problems he had seen as seperate problems, might be related. He hadn't been able to join up the dots. My Wife was referred to a neurologist and diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in the Autumn of 2012. And her condition declined rapidly from then until the following Summer when she had to give up work. This was devastating for us both. And it had a major impact on my ability to dress as Deeanna. 

By the Summer of 2013, my Wife had given up work, and was at home 24/7. She couldn't go out unattended. So there was no longer any opportunities to dress. And as the year progressed, her health and mobility rapidly declined.  2013 was also a difficult year  because it was bookended with the death of my mother in January, but my father in November.  A very stressful time without my main coping strategy of crossdressing to lean on. With my parent's deaths, I inherited a reasonable sum of money from their estate. And in the Spring of 2014, as my Wife's condition continued to get worse, I made the decision to give up work and become a full time carer for my Wife. 

So between the Summer of 2013 and the Summer of 2016, I wasn't able to crossdress at all. My clothes remained untouched in the loft. And slowly but surely, my mental health deteriorated to an existential level by 2016. And that was entirely down to not connecting properly with my inner femininity. And in July of that year, I got myself into a Do Or Die frame of mind. And I found myself taking the Do option, thankfully.  I brought down from loft and stashed some lingerie in the spare bedroom. By now my Wife was finding using the stairs difficult, so would only go up or down them when she had to. I would sometimes tell my Wife that I was going for an afternoon nap  while she was downstairs, and I would quietly dress in the bedroom. And I would dress downstairs in the early hours of the morning, while she was up in bed. It wasn't much but it did help to provide some comfort and relief for me. And then things took a dramatic turn. 

My Wife had two bad falls in quick succession. Both required ambulance call outs. And the second fall resulted in my Wife being unable to get up the stairs to bed or shower for over a week. It was very distressing. It quickly became clear that we needed to move to single storey living and get rid of stairs in our lives. So a bungalow was needed. We lived in Hampshire and bungalows there were way out of our price range. But in the county I come from, Cornwall, they were definitely affordable and we would be able to sell our home and pay off the mortgage and buy the new home, thanks to the difference in house prices between the two areas. 

And this presented me with a wonderful opportunity. To find a property that had a space seperate from the house for me to set up us a dressing space and somewhere to keep my femme clothes. We viewed a bungalow that was perfect. It had a summerhouse in the garden that was being used as a sauna. It had the perfect potential for us, both for my Wife and for Deeanna. And so we bought it and moved down to Cornwall, nearly 10 years ago. 

It took a while to get the summerhouse ready for Deeanna. For a few years it was just a useful place to store stuff, but I had my clothes stored safely in there, and I could get dressed out of my Wife's view and knowledge. And eventually I turned it into my little private space. 

This little summerhouse has become my little sanctuary and a little place for Deeanna. I have a wardrobe, and the old sauna cubicle to store my clothes in. I have a lot of items that I collected down the years, including stuff I have owned since I was a child, which I keep in there. It's a lovely little space for me to spend time in. 

Most importantly, it allows me to carry on crossdressing without upsetting my Wife, who struggles mentally because of her condition. Anything that I can do to alleviate her stress is important. But I need to be able to exist myself as my femme self, in order to be able to stay healthy and functioning. And the three year enforced hiatus that I had between 2013 and 2016 reinforced that. It's essential that I crossdress and not something that is optional. And this private space gives me that. 

Sitting in front of my happy place 

My space contains a lot of memorabilia from my past, including these model cars from when I was a child.

I have a small collection of mail order catalogues from the 1970s and 1980s  in my little space. 

With my sci fi toys that I have had for 50 years.

It's quite simply my sanctuary and happy place. 

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