July

 

Well I'm all for posiblogging and I try not to dwell on negative things, but I can't deny that July has been a very difficult month for me and my Wife. 

There was another heatwave, and this one seemed to go on and on. It really took a toll on my Wife, who's health problems is exacerbated by these extreme conditions. We really need to look at ways of establishing the bedroom as a cool room in the future. 

On top of this, after her mouth cancer scare, last month, now my Wife has had to go through a bowel cancer scare, after her routine bowel cancer screening came back with an inconsistent result. Thankfully she was all clear following a colonoscopy. It was a worry because bowel cancer is rife in her maternal family.  So that's a bullet dodged on this occasion. 

The use of hoists to get my Wife around the house is going OK, with it being much safer. But it is hard work for me. For most of my time as a carer, I've been doing the work of two people. With the introduction of the hoists, it's gone up to three. Just getting her from her chair in the lounge, and into bed takes 45 minutes. It used to take 15. But the danger has gone, so that's a big positive. 

My Wife has also developed a small pressure sore, which is making sitting in her chair uncomfortable, so has been staying in bed for a lot longer. It has destroyed our routine and means I'm spending more time looking after her.

As a result, my own routine has been shot to pieces, and there have been no opportunities to dress. So this lack of feminine expression has fed into a growing feeling of gender dysphoria, as I have to try and deny my femme needs.

My sense of dysphoria wasn't helped by a big problem with this blog suddenly having issues with the images that I have placed in the posts, over the last 18 months.  They suddenly became pixelated. And I'm afraid it triggered a neurodiverse melt down, which was very difficult to deal with. Now it's receding into the past, I feel stupid about letting it happen, but being autistic means that I can't control when things will overwhelm me. I can usually see the warning signs and take action to minimise my reactions, but this one blindsided me. So I had a difficult few days. I have discussed this elsewhere on the blog so I won't dwell on it here. The blog is being fixed, slowly but surely. I am slowly but surely re-centreing myself. All will be well. 

I took a short social media break to help in calming myself down, and it has helped. I'm returning renewed and stronger for it.

I have a new mobile phone. It's a Samsung Galaxy  S25fe which has replaced my S23 Ultra. Part of the problem with my blog images, was the massive photo file sizes created by the 200mp camera on the old phone. The files created by new phone with it's 50mp camera, should be much more manageable.  The phone needed replacing because it's going to be unsupported after next spring. At least this one has 7 years of support. Much better than the 3.5 years my old one had. 

So let's forget this horrible month and look  forwards. Hopefully I will get to try out the new camera next month, with some more dressing sessions.  I'm going to try and get my fitness campaign back on track after a bit of disruption in the last couple of weeks.  

So I'm sorry this hasn't been a very positive posting, but life is like that sometimes. And I don't try to dwell on that, but I'm not scared to acknowledge it either. 

But I do feel positive about the future, as difficult as it might be. I feel stronger and I am more determined than ever,  to make the most of things. 

Hey, that last statement was almost posiblogging! Here's hoping for of that next month 

Dee

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HAIR

Or rather, WIGS!  Because I am a wig wearing Tgirl. In this post I'm going to show off my small collection of wigs. One of the joys of being a Tgirl is that there is no expectation for me to have just one femme look. And this especially applies to hairstyles. Nothing changes your appearance as much as your hairstyle. With one hairstyle I can look a little younger than my real age. And with the next I can look considerably older than my real age. And it's perfectly acceptable to have these different looks. Because it's not my everyday persona (which is sadly drab and masculine, out of necessity) I can choose to look different each time that I dress and present as my feminine persona. It's a lot of fun.

I think in many ways, the wig manufacturers lean into this different persona concept  with the way they market their products. The different models of wigs often have female names attached to them. Names like Nikki or Mariah or Amy. These names almost give the impression that wearing the wig transforms you into someone else while it's on your head. It becomes a fun way to change your look. 

 Of course, wigs are not just for fashion. They can be worn for medical reasons, to hide hair loss due to cancer treatment, or conditions like alopecia or hair thinning. In these cases, the wigs are usually close to the actual hsstyle of the user, and they keep that style to look authentic. 

But for fashion purposes wigs can be worn to create different looks. My Mother was a wig wearer. She had mousey brown hair, but would often wear a fashion wig, either auburn or blonde, on a night out. This came in very useful when a certain someone began to dress in her clothes. 

I can remember the adverts for wigs at the back of American imported comics from the 1960s and 1970s.  And seeing all of the styles and wishing I could order one. Along with X-Ray glasses and Sea Monkeys 

I can also remember the Rolling Stones creating a pastiche of these adverts on the cover of their 1978 album, Some Girls. 

Within the trans community, wigs have a very important place. For crossdressers and Tgirls, they usually only dress part time, and their main gender presentation is as a masculine male, with a man's hairstyle. So they need a woman's hairstyle to complete their feminine transformation. And usually this involves wearing a wig. And for some trans women,  who have transitioned after losing their hair to male pattern baldness, which can happen if they're genetically disposed to hair loss and if their male hormones haven't been tempered by the use of feminising HRT. 

Like many in the trans world, I am a wig wearer. I began wearing my Mother's fashion wigs as a teenager. When she sadly got rid of them a couple of years later, I had a few years when I had a very unisex hairstyle, at times resembling David Bowie in his mid 1970s look, and then David Sylvian in the early 1980s. That style was perfect for both my androgynous male persona (very much de riguer in the early 1980s) and my femme persona as a crossdresser. 

I didn't do a lot of crossdressing in my 20s, amd by the time I began on my 30s, I had a masculine hairstyle, which I couldn't really grow out into a femme hairstyle, because of my marriage. So I returned to being a wig wearer again for the first time since my early teens. 

So I'm going to go through my wig collection and show my various different looks. I had a few poor quality wigs in my 30s and early 40s, that I was never photographed wearing, and which didn't last very long.  But I still have all of the wigs that I have worn since 2009. Some I no longer wear at all, but I keep for nostalgia. Others get occasional use and some are in regular rotation. 

I'll begin by showing a photo of myself dressed en-femme, but sans wig. So you can see my masculine hairstyle and then appreciate how different a wig can make me look.

Myself without my wig, but dressed and made up.

When you see me in my various different wigs, you will probably be quite surprised at how different I look as a Tgirl. You'll also find it amazing, how the different wigs completely change my look. Sometimes to the point if looking like a completely different persona. And that's the fun of wigs and being a Tgirl. 

Wig Number 1

'Nikki' by Secrets

I bought this wig in 2009 from Doreen's Fashions in London. It wasn't my first wig. But it was the first wig that anyone else saw me wearing. It was an end of line wig, so I got it for 50% off the original price. I can't remember the price. But it is a good quality monofilament wig. It is a dark brunette with beautiful ash brown and auburn highlights streaked through it. It's a lovely colour. I wore it exclusively from January 2009 when I bought it, through to the end of 2010. Anyone remembers me on my first forays out in public and on the TG scene, will have seen this wig. I wore it,off and on, up until 2021. By then, it was showing it's age, and so I retired it. The adjusting straps inside have perished and it just looks a bit tired. I now keep it for sentimental reasons. 

Wig Number 2

'Cory' by Noriko

My next wig was this short bob wig from Noriko. The 'Cory' in a dark brown shade called Cappucino. As with all of my wigs, it's monofilament. I was given this wig by my friend Chrissie, who bought it from The Banbury Postiche, but only wore it once, and didn't like it. But I loved it, and wore it exclusively for the first 10 months of 2011. It's a very easy wig to wear and style. It's a good quality wig from a brand that I have come to trust. I felt it was beginning to not suit me as well as it once did,  and so it's now been retired from use. But like the previous wig, I've kept it for nostalgia.

Wig Number 3

Grey Permed Wig

I decided to get a wig that matched my own hair colour as I wanted a more mature look. I bought this unbranded wig from Amazon. It definitely gave me a more mature look. Perhaps too much mature. Personally I really love wearing it, and looking older, but I don't think it's ever going to be my main femme presentation. And I think that this wig is far too aging. But it's fun to wear sometimes, so it's stayed in my collection and gets worn a couple of times a year. It's not brilliant quality, but it's very easy to style and wear.

Wig Number 4

 

Euro Beauty Wig

So I still wanted a silver or grey wig, that gave me a more mature look, without aging me, too much. The previous wig did add too many years to my appearance. In late 2022, I bought this cheap wig from Amazon. And this one was much closer to what I was after. It's made by a company called Euro Beauty. It's a mix of silver and blonde with dark roots. It's not fantastic quality, but it's acceptable and looks lovely when on. It was my main wig for the latter part of 2022 and  most of 2023. And it's still a wig I wear sometimes. I love the colour and the style of it. It gives me the mature look that I'm looking for, without looking elderly. I'm going to wear it a lot more in the future. 

Wig Number 5

'Grosvenor' by Vidal Sassoon 

This wig is a vintage wig, dating from the 1960s. It was gifted to me by my lovely friend,  Veronica.  I did wear it quite a lot when I first had it. I haven't worn it for a while. Being very short, it's quite good for wearing when I'm doing something practical. I used to wear it to my work as a holiday let cleaner. I love it for it's history. It's a real collectors piece.

Wig Number 6

Vintage Auburn Curly Wig

This wig was also a gift from Veronica. It dates from the 1970s or 80s. It used to belong to her mother. So I feel very privileged and honoured to have been given it. It's a lovely wig and I enjoy wearing it now and then. It's a mature look. I sometimes call it my Meg Mortimer look, inspired by the Crossroads soap opera from the 1970s and 80s. 

Wig Number 7

'Mariah' by Noriko

I came across this Noriko for sale on Ebay, back in late 2024. It was an ex display item, and came boxed and with the tags still attached. It's a beautiful wig with wonderful volume. And the colour is gorgeous. Harvest Gold, which is a warm brunette with blonde and auburn highlights. I absolutely adore this hairstyle. It gives me the mature look that I like, without aging me beyond my years. I always look forward to wearing this wig. It suits me wonderfully. I wore it exclusively from late 2024, until September 2025. I still wear it a lot. It's a real favourite. 

Wig Number 8

'Valencia' by Jacqueline 

I wanted to try a blonde wig, because I hadn't worn that hair colour since I was a young teenager, just starting my crossdressing journey.  So I bought this wig from the Natural Images online wig shop. However when I wore it, I realised it looked nothing like it did in the photos on the website. It made me look quite masculine from some angles. But I did love the colour. Blonde hair definitely works well for me. But I'm afraid this wig only had 2 wears before being discarded.

Wig Number 9

'Sky' by Noriko 

Having liked the colour of my previous blonde wig, but not the style, I began looking for another blonde wig. And I found this beautiful short blonde wig on the Simply Wigs website. It's the 'Sky' by Noriko in a colour called 'Creamy Toffee'. As soon as I put it on, it looked wonderful. I fell in love with it straight away. It's probably going to be my first choice wig, for quite some time. What's more, I even posted an online review to Simply Wigs, with a photo that got accepted, and I now show up in the 'Customers Gallery' for this wig, which is used to show potential buyers what the wig looks like when worn in real life. That felt very validating for me.

My Review Photo On Simply Wigs 

This wig is definitely my favourite. And it's also my third wig by Noriko, so that's a brand I have come to trust and look out for, when buying a new wig. 

Wig Number 10

Ombre Wig by Haircube

I wanted to try a longer blonde wig, just out of curiosity. I didn't want to spend too much money, so it was off to Amazon again.  I found this wig for £26. It's from a brand called Haircube. The wig is described as being ombre with dark roots. It's not great quality. It looks smooth, sleek and glossy, but it sheds worse than a labrador retriever at the end of Winter. But it looks ok. I love the colour and the length. I would prefer fringe, rather than the curtain effect of this wig. It's not going to be a regular wear for me, but now and then might be fun.

So that's the end of a hair raising journey through my wig history, so far. I'm sure there will be more wigs added to the collection in time. I do love having different femme looks and presentations. 

Dee

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Blogging Onwards

 

So I'm enjoying my blogging, and I've been thinking about how to do things in the future. And I've decided to stick to the monthly round up of events in my life, even though they can be very difficult at times. But I will try to keep the round up as positive as possible. I think it's a good thing to try to find the positives to write about, even in a trying month, because it makes me look through the rubbish of everyday life, to find those nuggets of positivity. And suddenly things don't seem quite as bad as they were. The challenge will be to make sure that the positives outweigh the negatives, because I don't want to bore the readers of this blog with misery. My life is hard, it's true. But it's far from miserable  and my blog will reflect that. 

I'll also be creating little "article" posts about various subjects that relate to my life as a femme non-binary queer person. An example of these would be my recent thoughts on Tiptoe and the real example of trans and homophobic that occurred in a town near my home lately.

And I'm going to be creating more posts on music. Music is a huge part of my life  and helps to keep me calm, and as such I want to write about it in my blog. So I will start doing my regular round up of my musical listening  with a regular On The Turntable post. I will also write posts on my favourite artists and records, from time to time. 

I've had a positive response to my blog so far,  and I've made some friends by doing it. Now I want to get myself more active with it.

Thank you to everyone who has read my blog and enjoyed it, and for the comments and feedback I've received. 

Deeanna 

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Tattoos Denied

 Those who follow my blog, will know that I was hoping to get some tattoos done on my arms.  However, I do suffer from psoriasis. It's mostly on my lower legs and my scalp. It's never affected my arms ever. So I didn't even think about it being a problem. But after speaking to the pharmacist, I was advised to be cautious. Apparently even on unaffected skin, trauma can trigger psoriasis outbreaks on the area damaged. And that can happen even if an area has never been affected previously. And when it does happen, it can affect just the tattoo, which means it looks awful. It's something called the Koebner Effect. It can happen straight away or sometimes months later. And it occurs in about 30% of psoriasis sufferers that get tattoos. So I'm not going to go ahead, even though I really want some ink.  My health is very important, especially as a carer. And I also can't risk anything that makes dressing difficult or impossible, as I need to dress to keep my mental health intact. So it's bye bye to tattoos for me. I've survived 61 years without them, and I can cope with the disappointment.

It also means that I need to be careful about hair removal. Waxing is definitely out. So is epilation. I need to be careful shaving. I was told it would be best not to remove any body hair at all. Well that's definitely not an option. So it will have to be careful about  it. But it's not going to hold me back. I've survived until now with this condition, and I will carry on surviving.

June Bugs

 

Well June was a weird month, wasn't it?  It's been s month of faltering steps and bugs in the machinery of life. After record heat in May, June was like Winter, here in Cornwall. Often wet, sometimes very cold and far from 'Flaming June'. And then suddenly, almost out of nowhere, we had temperatures in the 30s and awful humidity, which is rare in West Cornwall, where it's rarely too hot and rarely too cold. It would be Goldilocks weather, but we have to put up with mizzle and Atlantic storms.  It was a shock how quickly it got warm. No gradual warming up. Just suddenly it was stiflingly hot.

The hot weather did cause some serious problems for us. Hot weather isn't good for MS sufferers and it badly exacerbated my Wife's condition. As a result, she had a nasty fall, which required an ambulance call out. Thankfully she wasn't hurt, but it was a scary situation. She's also feeling poorly with a nasty lesion on her tongue. She's been referred to the ENT department for an urgent appointment because they are worried it could be cancer. So it's a difficult time at the moment, and heatwaves aren't helping. She's got an appointment next Friday. Fingers crossed things work out ok. There was some progress made on the caring front because I have completed my hoist training. 

The hot weather did impact my ability to dress, because it's not comfortable wearing a wig and make up in that heat. But I managed some dressing sessions both pre and post heatwave. For the first session of month, I decided to wear my silver blonde wig. I haven't worn it for a couple of years. I really must wear it more because I really like it. I wore it with a new dress that I got from Damart, teamed with my navy cardigan. I also gave a first wear to my new white trainers by Redfish, which were a bargain from Shoezone for just £5. It was a simple everyday kind of look that I loved.

Towards the end of the month, when things had cooled down, I managed to have another couple of dressing sessions. I had another new dress to debut. This one was a very vibrantly coloured dress that I purchased from Lands End Clothing. It was reduced from £110 down to £33. It's a beautiful dress and really good quality.  I wore it with my short blonde wig, and was really pleased with my look. It was a very enjoyable dressing session.

My next dressing session saw me wearing one of my Lady Vintage dresses. I chose my 'Cobalt From The Blue', Hepburn dress and teamed it with a lace cardigan and matching gloves, with my white trainers. I wore my short blonde wig again and topped of the look with a straw hat. A very summery look, although the weather wasn't too seasonal, being a bit cloudy and overcast. But these conditions are better for photographs than struggling to cope with bright sunshine, so I wasn't complaining, and it certainly made the colour of the dress pop.

In both photo sessions, I wore my new discovery. Snag tights. I much prefer tights to stockings or hold ups. I find stockings to be such a faff and literally style over substance. So ok occasionally and for an occasion, but not for everyday use.  And Hold Ups, perhaps should be renamed Fall Downs! I also prefer tights of 30 denier plus, because I have a very noticeable scar that runs down my left shin, from 3 inches below my left knee to just above my ankle. It's the legacy of a road traffic accident on my youth and operations to put metal work into my leg  and then remove it a few years later. I also get some psoriasis flare up on my lower legs. So opaques work to hide all that. However I do have an issue with tights. Due to having an apple figure,  they have a tendency to roll down my torso and bunch around my waist.  But because of some, strange voodoo magic, Snag tights don't. They stay put. There is a size for literally everyone. The material clings well and the bands are engineered to keep them in place. So no more tights roll down, and I'm a happy girl. And the packaging they come in is super cute. All candy stripes and loveliness. Some companies go the extra mile to make receiving an order from them, a special event, and these are one of those companies. I loved this card they enclosed with it's positive message. 

I've made a conscious effort to exercise more this last month and I've managed to get my weight down to 93.6kg, so it's definitely going in the right direction. It's hard to keep a regular fitness routine, due to all of the curveballs being a carer can throw at me. But I am trying to exercise when I can. My next target is 90kg and I'm closing in on that. 

  

So what plans do I have for July? It's difficult to say, because of the uncertainty surrounding my Wife, but I definitely will try and have a few dressing sessions. I'm waiting to hear about respite care, but that will probably have to be deferred until we know more about what is going on with my Wife's health.  I'm going to try and hit my weight loss target, but won't commit to that, but I will definitely make an effort to keep up with my exercise. 

 

Have a good July everyone. 

Dee

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