My monthly round up round up is a little earlier than normal, because Christmas itself is so busy and I want to focus on that in a different post.
Sunday 21st December, sees the Winter Solstice, when the days reach their shortest. So it seems appropriate to time my post to coincide with it.
I find that the Winter Solstice is a very spiritual time for me. I feel a connection to the world and nature. I enjoy the cold and the clear nights when the beautiful stars are filling the heavens. I love to look at the night sky, and the stars are wonderful at this time of year, with the beautiful Pleides star cluster and the wonderful constellation of Orion dominating the Southern sky. And there are four planets on view this Winter. The very bright Jupiter, and then Saturn are easy to see, and a pair of binoculars will reveal Uranus and Neptune. I feel a sense of renewal and optimism for the coming year. I like to burn a small Yule Log to celebrate the occasion and to herald in the start of Christmas.
So what's been happening this December. Well it's been a mixed bag. I was still struggling with a hoarse voice and a cough at the start of the month, but it's slowly improving. I have had a couple of fibromyalgia flare ups, but nothing too bad.
The Christmas decorations are up and it's looking lovely and festive at the moment. I love putting the decorations up, although I definitely don't enjoy having to climb up into the loft to bring them down. But once they are up I begin to get excited for Christmas.
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
I have my friend and fellow blogger, Sue Richmond to thank for providing a title for this round up of November. She mentioned in a comment on a post, that it's Nasty November when all the bugs come out to play. And it's been quite a Nasty November for me. But not all bad. I did manage to dress a little. It's interesting that I tend to view a month as a positive or negative one, by whether I got to dress or not.
So why was November nasty? Well for the latter half of October, I had a slightly hoarse voice. It wasn't too bad, but it didn't clear itself up. I think the body usually deals with minor ailments within 3 weeks, and if it hasn't done so in that period, then it's time to get it checked out. So early in November, I made an appointment with the surgery. A medical practitioner diagnosed viral pharyngitis, which is basically your common or garden sore throat. I was given a throat spray to alleviate the symptoms. It didn't work and my condition deteriorated to the point of being very hoarse. It also destabilised my asthma. So back to the surgery and a GP sent me for a chest x-ray and full blood tests. This was worrying. Thankfully they have come back clear, so it's not cancer ir anything like that. But what the problem is, isn't clear. It could be a side effect of the statins I started at the end of September. Or it could be irritation of the larynx caused by indigestion and acid reflux. It's still a problem, but I'm off statins for now, and I'm due start medication to alleviate my indigestion problems. And it is getting slowly better. So hopefully it will be better soon.
This illness did scupper some of my plans for November. And it wasn't just my illness that affected my plans. Nasty November was living up to its name.
I had planned to visit my friend Veronica Page and her wife early in the month. But Mrs Page had a bad cold, so that visit was postponed until December.
I had plans to dress and go out to a local town later in the month. But I felt too unwell to go out in the cold weather we were having. So another plan scuppered.
So with feeling ill, and it's associated worries, and scuppered plans, I think Nasty November deserves it's title this year.
I am beginning to feel a little better so hopefully December will be magic again, to quote Kate Bush.
One thing that my recent illnesses have brought home to me, is that I need to make a committed effort to get myself fit and lose weight in 2026.
But November did prove quite fruitful on the dressing front, even if my plans were radically altered.
Early in the month I had the chance to try out my new long blonde wig. It was just a cheap one from Amazon, to get an idea if long blonde hair suited me. It does. The wig looks lovely, although it does shed it's hairs quite badly. So I will look for a quality one in the same style. I wore my black pleather dress and teamed it with my red cashmere cardigan, which I think looked very effective. I was pleased with the whole look.
It was in October 1982 that I found myself excitedly walking around the corner from my house, to where my friend, Alexis lived. It was going to be a wonderful day.
We were friends in Sixth Form College, and there was a little group of four of us who were inseparable in our first year of higher education. We were drawn together by our love of music and fashion. We lived in a city on the South Coast of England, so very much out in the provinces, but close enough to London to feel the influence of the scene in the capital. We loved the pop music of the day. What is often referred to as the New Romantic scene, but our tastes were more wide ranging than that. But we adopted the androgynous and glamorous styles of the day. There was Alexis and Tracey. Lifelong friends who loved to dress up in cocktail dresses whenever they could. Alexis was just beginning to discover herself as a lesbian. She was very much the leader of our little clique. She was the organiser and would be almost motherly towards us. Tracey was very much straight and despite her flamboyant dress sense, she was very quiet and shy. It was clear that she idolised Alexis. Michael was openly gay and a full on gender bender in the manner of Boy George, but with his own unique style that was very much femme. And there was myself. Quite androgynous in the style of David Bowie and David Sylvian of the art rock group, Japan. Japan were my favourite band, along with the Human League, Soft Cell and Depeche Mode. I mostly identified as straight. I had a girlfriend, Carmen, who was 18 months younger than myself. But I knew that I did sometimes find androgynous men attractive. Ever since I had a crush on one of my idols, David Bowie, back in the days of Ziggy Stardust. And for a couple of years, I had a big crush on the lead singer of Japan, the aforementioned David Sylvian.
Alexis, Tracey and Michael were the only people who knew that I was a crossdresser. No one else knew. Not even my girlfriend. My two year relationship with my girlfriend was beginning to fizzle out, as she was still a schoolgirl and I was now on the cusp of young adulthood. Eighteen months is a short period of time, but the gulf quickly widens at that age for a couple of years, before the gap closes again. We literally grew apart from each other as our lives took different trajectories, with her being at school and myself being a student with other distractions. I would never have felt comfortable revealing my crossdressing to my girlfriend. But it seemed so natural to do so, to my little group of friends. I guess I knew it would be accepted, because we were the college weird kids. Drawn to each other by being different to everyone else, and not hiding it.
We were inseparable in college, sitting together in our little corner in the college refectory, listening to music and looking at fashion magazines, whenever we weren't in lessons. And we would meet up most weekends at whoever had a parent free house. Which would give me an excuse to crossdress in their company, often wearing the clothes of my friends mothers. Michael often did the same. It was fun. We never felt anything for each other, apart from close friendship. No romantic desires or sexual tension to get in the way. Just friends having the time of their lives. Innocent fun with a hint of decadence. Alexis and Tracey, would practice their make up skills on Michael and myself and vice versa, and we just had fun as teenagers should. Although our idea of fun was probably not that typical for teenagers.
We were all very excited when we managed to get tickets to see Japan, live on the Sons Of Pioneers tour, in a neighbouring city. They were touring off the back of the wonderful album Tin Drum, released a year before.
Japan were an art rock band who had been releasing music since 1977. Beginning with a very glam rock/punk style, they had soon moved into a very sophisticated form of art rock, influenced by David Bowie and early Roxy Music. They had recently been heavily influenced by oriental music, which had coloured their latest album. Their image was quite androgynous with the band wearing make up and sharp suits. An image that heavily influenced the New Romantic movement that sprung up in the early 1980s. Duran Duran were especially influenced by their look, but they never matched the sophistication of Japan's sound.
We had excitedly bought the tickets and the planning began. We decided to go full glam for this concert. A brave move as we had a 40 minute train journey to get to the concert venue. Alexis and Tracey decided it would be fun if I wore female underwear to the concert. I certainly wasn't going to object to that.
So that is why I felt so excited as I walked around to my friend Alexis' house. It was the day of the concert and our wonderful dressing experience. I ended up wearing an ivory bra, suspenders belt, panties and tan stockings which belonged to Tracey. I had developed gynecomastia in my mid to late teens, and so my small breasts perfectly filled Tracey's A cup bra. I had bought a pair of women's trousers, in a dark jacquard material, which finished halfway up my calves, and a white silk blouse. Over this i wore a little denim box jacket. On my feet I wore a pair of black chelsea boots with a block heel. My hair was dyed auburn with blonde highlights at the front, very similar to David Bowie in his Thin White Duke persona. And I wore make up, which was normal for me. A very androgynous, if not overtly femme look. A look that adorned the music and teen magazines, and could be seen on television programmes like Top Of The Pops and The Tube. But a look rarely encountered on the streets of a South Coast city.
Alexis and Tracey wore short sequined dresses with feather boas, fishnet stockings and platform heels. Their hair had been done in 1940s styles. They looked beautiful. And so glamorous.
Michael wasn't with us when we got ready at Alexis' house. We had arranged to meet him at the train station. We were amazed when we saw him. He was dressed as a geisha girl with a beautiful Japanese dress, and beautiful make up. We all looked completely fabulous. Of course we totally stood out from everyone else, and we got a lot of attention. Some of it positive, and some negative. But we were used to that, being the college weird kids.
As we waited on the station platform, we noticed a passport photo booth. So we each took turns taking our photos and ended up with a strip of four photos each. I took Michael into the booth with me and showed him my girly underwear, as he hadn't yet seen it. Nothing sexual. We weren't interested in anything like that. Just good friends having a fun time. When we got home, we cut the photos up and swapped them, so we each had a set of photos of each other from our big night out.
We survived the train journey without any real problems, and once we got off at the other end, it was just a short walk to the concert venue.
There were quite a few people in and around the venue, who were dressed quite flamboyant. Quite a lot of boys in make up. And some very glamorous looking girls. I think they were girls. We fitted in perfectly. We definitely looked as good as anyone there . I decided that I would put my denim jacket into the cloakroom, so that I could show off my silky blouse, knowing that when the light shone at the right angle, my bra could be seen through it. I was such a flirt. I still am sometimes.
We had arrived late in the afternoon, so we would be near the front of the queue. Alexis, Tracey and myself wanted to get as close to the front of the stage as possible. Michael was more interested in being seen, than seeing the band, so he said he was going to hang around the foyer for a while before the concert, and so would see us afterwards. He was such a poseur. In hindsight I think he was looking for a guy, but Michael was a bit of an enigma, so who knows? For the rest of us, it was all about seeing the band. Michael took our coats to check them into the cloakroom, so we could head straight to the stage front.
At 6.30 pm, the doors opened and we entered and hastily ran to the front of the stage. And we stayed there until the end of the show. Alexis, ever the organised one,had brought a bag with bottles of water and sweets to keep us going. We chatted excitedly as we waited for the show to start.
The lights went down at 7.30pm and the support band took to the stage. They were a Japanese band called Sandii And The Sunsetz. We had heard of them, because David Sylvian had written some lyrics for their recent album, Immigrants, but we hadn't heard their music. They were very good. We all enjoyed them. Especially Alexis, who was rather taken by Sandii and her Oriental/American good looks. I thought she was cute too. Musically, they were synth pop. Very enjoyable.
Immigrants by Sandii And The Sunsetz
After a short interlude and growing anticipation, Japan took to the stage at 8.30 pm. We were enthralled by them. The front man, David Sylvian looked so beautiful. He really was a handsome man. Very androgynous with his blonde hair and make-up. The whole band looked amazing, and very dapper in suits or in Sylvian's case, a trench coat. And the music was incredible. A mix of wonderful rhythms and percussion with swirling synths and the wonderful slide bass sound of Mick Karn, that gave the band a very distinctive sound. They were wonderful and played a set featuring all of my favourite songs. The high point for me, was when they played the atmospheric ballad, Nightporter, which evoked the Trois Gymnopedies by Erik Satie along with the film Night Porter starring Dirk Bogarde. It's a wonderful piece of music. The whole concert was wonderful. All too soon, it seemed, the band left the stage and it was over.
We were floating on cloud nine as we left the auditorium and entered the foyer. We soon found Michael, who was very easy to spot. There were a few people dressed as geisha girls in attendance that night, but Michael was the only boy dressed as one. We bought a programme between us and then bought a hot dog each to stave off our hunger. We got our coats from the cloakroom and we made our way to the station, chatting excitedly amongst ourselves.
The train journey home was fairly uneventful. We got a few stares from other passengers, this time there were other Japan fans on the train, so we weren't the only ones dressed on an androgynous style. And we got a few nice comments about our appearance from some of the other concertgoers. Of course, Michael was the centre of attention with his geisha girl look, but that was Michael. He was a piece of living art and needed to be seen as such.
We got back home just after midnight and arranged to meet up the next day. I stopped by Alexis' house on the way home and quickly changed into my own underwear before heading to my house.
In many ways, this had been my first public trip out crossdressed, given that everything I wore was clothes made for women, including full women's underwear. So that was exhilarating, to say the least. And the concert had been amazing. Everything I had hoped for. And seeing David Sylvian stood just a few feet away was wonderful. I had emulated his look for quite some time, and he looked really beautiful. I was so happy as I drifted off to sleep that night.
The next morning I was still buzzing as I walked down to Alexis' house. Tracey was already there. Michael had phoned to say he wasn't coming over, so the three of us drank coffee and chatted about the night before. But Alexis seemed tired to the point of being exhausted, so we only stayed for an hour. We all agreed it had been wonderful and we would plan more nights out together for the four of us.
However life had different plans. Two weeks after the concert, I was shocked to read in Smash Hits magazine, that Japan were splitting up after the final shows of their current tour. Their last dates in Tokyo in December would be the end of the band. Musical tensions and also David Sylvian beginning a relationship with Mick Karn's girlfriend had strained the band to breaking point. At least we had got to see them on their final tour.
And as for the four of us, things changed beyond all recognition over the next 14 months,
Alexis would be diagnosed with Leukaemia, have to leave college and would sadly pass away in 1986. I only saw her a few times as she spent a lot of time in a hospital near London. It was so sad.
Michael met a guy who encouraged him to quit college and move up to London with him. Years later Michael would return broken, with a drug addiction and HIV, having ended up as a sex worker. Thankfully he got himself back on track eventually, and he was one of the first to receive groundbreaking anti viral drugs that now mean HIV+ people can live their lives without their condition developing into AIDS. I saw him a few times down the years. He seemed to have found peace and happiness in his life.
Tracey completely withdrew after her best friend became ill, and after nearly getting thrown out of college for non attendance, she threw herself into her studies to catch up. She passed her exams with flying colours and went on to university at Oxford. The last time I saw her was at Alexis' funeral in 1986.
And as for me, I nearly died in early 1984 when a car knocked me off my pushbike and I had massive injuries which still affect me to this day. But I survived and I'm still here.
Sometimes it's important to enjoy the moment for what it is, and live in it.
That night in October 1982 was a wonderful night. A night when we just had fun as the teenagers we were. Untroubled by life and living.
Sadly life wasn't to remain as carefree for us, as it should have been.
But despite all of the difficult and sometimes tragic events that followed for the four of us, I still look back fondly to that night. To us going out dressed to the nines, expressing ourselves and enjoying being our true selves. Being carefree teenagers with nothing to fear and nothing on our horizons to trouble us.
Footnote
In 2018 I got a letter in the post. It was from Michael. I hadn't seen him since 2003. In it he had enclosed four of the photos that we had taken in the passport photo booth, at the train station on the night of the Japan concert. I never knew what had happened to mine. It turns out I left them at Alexis's house, and years later her younger sister found two sets of the photos. She contacted Michael and Tracey and they both had their sets, so she guessed they must be mine. She sent them to Michael. Michael tracked me down through my friends who had my address down here. He wrote a nice note reminiscing about our friendship and that night. And he included the photos. It was both wonderful and emotional to see them. We looked so young, and we looked gorgeous. Infuriatingly Michael didn't put any contact details on his letter. It was posted from Brighton. So I can only assume that's where he now lives. He did say that he is settled and happy. One day I hope our paths cross again.
Here is the photo of myself, from the photo booth. I won't show the photos of my friends, for privacy reasons.
Some Die
Some die.
Some have been executed by the government or state judiciary of the country they live in.
Some have been persecuted and murdered by the government of the country they live in.
Some have been persecuted by the government of the country they live in, and have died in prison. Either murdered by the authorities or other prisoners. Or dying through ill treatment or the harsh conditions. Or giving in and taking their own lives. Or simply dying of illness or natural causes while serving unjust sentences.
Some have died attempting to flee persecution, bigotry and hatred. Attempting to find a better life for themselves, where they can express who they are freely, but perishing on the journey.
Some have been murdered by being persecuted and attacked by bigoted people.
Some have been persecuted to the point that their health fails and they die.
Some have been persecuted to the point where it gets too much, and they take their own lives.
Some have found the only way to try to survive, is through sex work and they have died as a result of that. Either murdered because their life is seen as worthless, or dying of sexualIy transmitted diseases.
Some have died from poverty or homelessness, a situation that exists entirely because of who and what they are.
Some have found themselves in exploitative relationships and lost their life as a consequence.
Some have found themselves in abusive relationships and died as a result of domestic violence by partners.
Some have died as a result of sexual encounters where the person they been intimate with, has been unable to reconcile their own sexuality and desires, and blaming them, has lashed out and killed them.
Some have found themselves in situations where they have been blackmailed because of who they are, and felt no option but to take their own life.
Some have taken their own lives, worn down by the constant bigotry they face in society.
Some have taken their own lives because they tire of not being able to express their true selves. Either having to completely deny themselves the opportunity to be their true selves, or from the strain of having to keep their reality a secret and spending much of their life living in a closet.
Some have died in despair, having opened up about who they are to friends and family and found rejection.
Some die from attempting to self medicate themselves with drugs and hormones to try to be their true selves, with no medical oversight to guide and monitor them.
Some die to medical complications during difficult and invasive surgery or it's aftermath.
Some die because they can't access medical or psychological treatment and they give in.
Some die waiting for medical or psychological treatment that they are entitled to, but the waiting times are ridiculously long, even before the first steps are reached.
Some die.
And those that die are our brothers or sisters.
Dying because they are transgender.
Simply dying because of what and who they are.
And those of us who are transgender, remember them.
And we ask others to remember them too.
Because everyone in society has the right to be who they are, and to be able to live out their life, free from persecution, bigotry, exploitation, violence, and ignorance.
Some die.
We all die.
But no one should die just because of their gender differences.
Deeanna Williams
A non-binary Tgirl
I haven't done any blogging in the first half of November. And my plans for the rest of November have changed.
"Life happens while you are making other plans"
My big plans this month were to visit my friend Veronica and her wife at their home for a day in early November, and then to have a trip out in public, dressed as Deeanna later in the month.
I was due to visit Veronica in the first week of the month. But unfortunately her wife developed a nasty cold, so the visit was postponed until early December.
I decided to use the day to have a dressing session and wear the outfit that I would have worn at Veronica's. It also gave me an opportunity to try on my new long blonde wig. In the end I had a lovely day, although not as enjoyable as if I had been spending the day with Veronica and Mrs Page.
So one plan had fallen through, but I had my next target. The trip out in public. That was planned for this coming Thursday with trip to my home town to take a walk around the town centre, and then to visit M&S, Next and Boots just outside the town. I was really looking forward to it. But I've had a bit of trouble with my asthma in the last month, and it's worsened to the point that I am having quite a bit of trouble with it. I've seen the GP who sent me for an urgent chest x-ray and I will have further tests once the results of that are back, later this week. So with all of that, and the weather due to be very cold, I've decided to give up on this trip out until I'm back to full health again.
But I will have another dressing session on Thursday, but stay at home in my warm and cosy dressing space.
So life happens and plans change accordingly.
Here are a couple of photos from my dressing session from earlier in the month. I am rather pleased with my look.
Well it's the end of October as I write this round up of my month, and it's just 8 weeks until Christmas. For me, the run in to Christmas begins after Bonfire Night on 5th November, so not long to go.
Halloween
I usually produce a special Halloween image using AI, to post on my Flickr photostream and this is my offering for this year.
So this year has seen a couple of new retro styled dresses added to my wardrobe. I do love these wonderful tea/swing style dresses. And I think I look good in them. The A-line shape of the skirt section creates a flattering profile that doesn't need lots of padding to look feminine. In fact I don't wear any hip or bum padding at all with these dresses as the dress itself does all of that for me. They look good without a petticoat underneath and totally fabulous when worn with a nice frothy petticoat to create that classic A-line profile that was the epitome of 1950s fashion.
The first of the new dresses is from my favourite retro dressmaker, Lady Vintage London. I love their elegant and classic designs and the fact that they are actually made in London, not just sold there. These are dresses of quality and as such, will last a long time and keep looking good. This dress is a Hepburn style, in a fabric pattern called 'Cobalt From The Blue '. As the name suggests it's cobalt blue in colour with a light floral design, featuring yellow tinged white flowers and seed heads. It really is a lovely design and the shade of blue is quite unusual. I teamed it some black leather gloves and black patent Mary Jane platform shoes from Koi, along with some cute knee high, white lace socks. And a full volume petticoat to create that classic silhouette. I absolutely adored wearing this dress.
Wishing all of my friends, followers and viewers 🎄🎄🎄 MERRY CHRISTMAS 🎄 🎄🎄 May you have a joyful and peaceful Christmas. Thank ...
