Well June is coming to it's conclusion, so here is a look back at my month.
At the beginning of the month the weather was rather wet and windy and often stormy, so the Summer dresses have yet to make an appearance despite a heatwave last week. Hopefully I will get myself in Summer mode next month.
It's been another difficult month with my wife's condition, but we're trying to put things into place that will make life easier for here, and allow me a little more independence.
Sadly one casualty of my caring situation with my wife, was the visit to my friend Veronica, which is postponed until things get more settled here. I really enjoy my visits to see Veronica and her wife, so I'm a little down that I haven't been able to do that, so far this year.
One big piece of news in my transgender life, is that I have joined the Beaumont Society. I will write more on this in a separate post dedicated to the subject, but I have had a rather negative experience with this organisation in the past, and others experiences of them had reinforced my decision not to get involved with them. But I had heard a few positive things about them in recent years and as I'm looking to expand my TG social circle, I thought I'd check them out. And after my bad experiences with them many years back, I'm delighted to say things have very much changed for the better. It now seems to be a very nice and friendly organisation which genuinely tries represent all the transgender community and I have been made to feel very welcome by them. It has definitely been a positive move for me.
On the dressing side of things, I did hit a bump in the road earlier this week. I was very conscious that I hadn't dressed at all this month and so planned to have a morning dressed on Monday. Everything was prepared and ready to go. But on Monday my wife was being very difficult to look after and so I couldn't dress. So I decided to try for an hour or so late in the afternoon, so that I could at least get a few nice photos. However I found that I only had about an hour to change and do hair and make-up. Also it was hot and humid and I was beginning to feel the effects of my fibromyalgia and I was experiencing brain fog and clumsiness. Dressing was difficult. I felt uncomfortable and I had a couple of wardrobe malfunctions, as I couldn't stop the straps of my corselette from continually slipping and my stockings came undone from my suspenders. I found myself feeling flustered and hot. And when I finally did get to take some photos, the light was too harsh and there were too many shadows across the photos. I took 80 shots and only got 4 worth keeping and they took a lot of airbrushing to look ok. And finally I found that I'd made a rather massive boob. Or rather I hadn't. Because I realised that I had forgotten to put my breastforms into my corselette, so I wasn't my usual busty self. I was hot, bothered and fed up. I had tried to have a rushed session and felt so much pressure that it was very unenjoyable. I felt very down and dejected.
However by Wednesday my mood was a lot better, and the weather was cooler and cloudy. I knew these would be good conditions to dress and take photos, so I managed to create a 90 minute window of opportunity to dress late in the afternoon. I chose to wear underwear that I knew wouldn't let me down and I took my time in my dressing and preparation. I decided to take some rainwear photos because my friend Veronica, who is a rainwear enthusiast like myself, had asked me to take a few in my shiny red pvc mac. And I had a short but lovely dressing session and looked good and got lots of great photos. So I felt my confidence flooding back and I'm happy again.
So it's almost July. I'm not going to make any definite plans or predictions for the month given how unpredictable things are at the moment, but I would like to debut my new pink swing dress if I can. But I'm not going to put pressure on myself by saying that I definitely will. I will just go with the flow.
Reading your flickr posts, Deeanna, I know it's not been the best month for you and I really hope that you can organise respite care. As for your bad photosession, you only have to read the positive comments to realise that, as far as the imagery goes, you are being too harsh on yourself. At the same time, it is the whole experience that is important, so forgetting your breastforms ... I understand. On my Cadgwith trip, I forgot mine and was despairing until I took to the old standby ... socks!
ReplyDeleteAnd, I need to thank you again for your music posts, they really have inspired me to post about the people I heard and saw and that has sustained me through a very lean period of eye problems. xxx
Thank you for your thoughtful response Nikki. It is difficult at the moment, but there will be a forward. There has to be.This isn't sustainable as it is.
ReplyDeleteI think the main problem with my bad dressing experience was phhaving to rush and not being able to just enjoy being feminine. I was flustered and and didn't enjoy it. The few usable photos are actually quite nice. At least I had a confidence reaffirming session later in the week.to end on a positive note.