Phantom Ladies

 Real Lives - Phantom Ladies 

An episode of the Real Lives television documentary series shown on BBC One in the UK in July 1984. 

This documentary was another pivotal moment in my transgender journey. Because it was the first time that I saw other transvestites speaking about their lives. By 1984 I was a crossdressing veteran with 6 years of dressing under my dress belt. But apart from seeing female impersonators on television, such as Danny La Rue, Hinge And Bracket, Stanley Baxter and others of their ilk, I hadn't encountered any other transvestites. So this program left a lasting impression on me.

It's actually been quite difficult to find information about this documentary. It was never repeated on television and it doesn't seem to have been recorded and later digitalised. So i only saw it as it was broadcast. We didn't have a video recorder in my home back then, so this was my one and only opportunity to see it. And yet I remember every detail vividly. 

The documentary told the story of three transvestites. These were Rona, Anne and Rosemary. I will deal with each person in turn, in the order they appeared in the program. And I will use She/Her pronouns throughout.

Rona was the femme alter ego of Raymond. A retired civil servant who was married to Vera. Ronaldo described how she had always had a well developed feminine side and had worn Vera's clothes down the years, behind her wife's back. Then after retirement Raymond found he wanted to dress more, but there were fewer opportunities to do so. So she took the chance on Vera being as understanding as she thought she was and decided to tell her. The way Rona appeared for the first time in Vera's life was perhaps unusual. Whilst on holiday, while Vera was in the shower, Raymond put on one of Vera's satin slips and lay on the bed. "Oh you're wearing my slip" exclaimed Vera on walking into the bedroom. Raymond then proceeded to tell her all about Rona, which was a shock to Vera. But after thinking about it for a few days, she decided that she loved Raymond enough to deal with it, and that it really wasn’t a big problem in their lives. Soon Rona was a regular feature in their lives and they would go out in public together, shopping or going out for tea etc. Rona did not enter the marital bed. Raymond and Vera had an active and fulfilling sex life, but Rona was never a part of it. Vera said that having Rona in her life was like having a sister. She said she had the best of both worlds. Her husband Raymond of time and then her sister Rona. Raymond said that sometimes he and Vera would go to bed at night and he would say to Vera, "I think it might be nice if Rona visited tomorrow?" And Vera always enjoyed Rona coming to visit, so it was the perfect situation for them both. They were a very happy couple with a wonderful and fulfilling marriage that was made even better by the presence of Rona. Rona looked like you average, reasonably attractive and well dressed lady in her sixties. And when out and about with Vera, they looked like friends or sisters  enjoying a day out together.  I found it rather lovely. 

Anne was the femme alter ego of Ben, an ex Royal Navy officer. Now this was quite a sad story. Ben had crossdressed in secret for some years. His wife knew that her husband wanted to dress as a woman, but strongly disapproved of it, and forbade it. So Anne would crossdress away from home and she used to go out socially dressed en-femme. Of course it wasn't just Anne's wife who forbade crossdressing. The Royal Navy did too. So Anne's world fell apart when she was caught by the police changing from femme to drab in her car on the way back from a night out dressed. Normally it would have just been awkward and embarrassing, but when the police found out that it was a naval officer they had collared, they reported it to Anne's commanding officer. As soon as it happened Anne knew she would lose her job, her wife and her family. And ultimately so it proved. But not before the Navy tried to cure Ben of her insanity by sending her for treatment to eradicate the desire to dress, which was harrowing.  Anne had to dress and with each item of clothing she put on, she received a painful electric shock. This was the kind of barbarism that could be enacted upon trans people back in the 1970s.  Needless to say, it didn't work and Ben chose to resign from the Navy rather than be dishonorably discharged. So just because she liked to wear women's clothes from time to time, Anne had lost her marriage, her family and her job. It's no wonder that she briefly committed suicide. In the end she didn't. Instead she decided to live full time as Anne. She didn't want to transition or become a woman physically. She just wanted to be en-femme on a full-time basis. And so that's what she did. She became an antiques dealer, so self employed with no one to answer to. And she got on with her life. However there was much sadness in that life. She was divorced and estranged from her family. And she also wanted to find love again. Which was proving very difficult. Because although Anne was now dressed and living as her femme self 24/7, she was still a heterosexual man beneath the femme trappings and she was only attracted to cisgender women. And sadly not a lot of straight women are interested in a relationship with a full time crossdresser. It left Anne contemplating if she might have to compromise and reintroduce Ben back into her life and just dress part time as Anne. So there was this sadness surrounding her story.  It affected me, because it was the first time I really saw the negative side of something that until now had only brought me joy. Could I end up in a situation like Anne? And certain aspects of Anne's story have crossed over into my life. Anne was a very beautiful and stylish middle aged lady. In fact she everything I admired in a woman and everything I wanted to be as a transvestite. So I certainly identified with her as a person. I was also surprised that I found her attractive and desirable in a sexual way too, despite knowing that Anne was a man. I think this was the first obvious manifestation of my gynosexuality. Which basically means I am attracted to feminine people regardless of their actual sex. I see women, trans women, crossdressers, and femme or androgynous men as being desirable and I don't focus my sexuality on my preferred partner's genitalia.  So I was confused by this, but over the years I have come to understand my sexuality and be at ease with it. So that gives another dimension to why this documentary was important in my life story. 

Finally we have Rosemary.  Her male name isn't given. Rosemary was a physiology lecturer and she was the medical advisor to the transgender group The Beaumont Trust. She was in her sixties with a grown up family. Rosemary had been a part time crossdresser, dressing privately on her own. None of her family had known about her feminine desires. And then her wife passed away.  Rosemary sought comfort in her femme life, and eventually decided to spend much of her time en-femme, although she didn't go full-time like Anne. She had confided in her youngest daughter about her crossdressing and her need to do it. And her daughter was very supportive and encouraging and helped Rosemary to be able to spend a large proportion of her life dressed and fully supported by all of her family. We saw Rosemary fully dressed and in the company of her family. But one person was missing from the scene. Her youngest daughter. She fully supported her father's desire and need to dress and had been instrumental in helping Rosemary come out to her family and the world as a transvestite. But she had asked Rosemary if she didn't have to see her dressed en-femme as she only wanted her as Dad. So she was never present when the family got together with Rosemary the woman, but was perfectly happy and supportive of her father being a crossdresser.  Rosemary was perhaps a more traditional older lady. She looked and carried herself a little like one of the mature ladies that you might find in a Miss Marple story. A long skirt and an embroidered blouse worn as she pedalled her vintage bicycle around the village with produce from her allotment in the wicker basket on the front. 

And so we came to the conclusion of the program with one final scene. A bar in a basement which was accessed by a spiral staircase. And one by one Rona and Vera, Anne and then Rosemary descended the staircase and we saw them all chatting to each other drinks as the narrator finished the story.

This program is still so vivid in my memory nearly 41 years later. It certainly taught me a lot about the world that I was a part of. A world that I didn't really know or understand back then.

When this show was broadcast my parents were on holiday abroad and my sister was away at an athletics training camp, so I was home alone and able to dress and so I spent many days en-femme mulling over what I had just watched. I'm glad i watched it alone. It might have been an awkward watch for me with my family present. 

I never forgot this program. I have tried many times over the years to track down a copy of it  or find a digitalised version of it online. And it just doesn't exist. I'm not sure if even the BBC have a copy in their archives. This series wasn't repeated on BBC television again, mainly because of controversy surrounding the last episode of the series to be broadcast that focused on characters involved in both sides of the troubles in Northern Ireland. The fact that people on the republican side were given a sympathetic portrayal was seen as wrong by many viewers and the British Government.  So there was no way the series would ever have repeat showings. 

But I never forgot it. I remember it as if I watched it yesterday.  In searching for it, I have come across a partial newspaper cutting of a piece connected to the program which by Colleen Toomey  who was part of the production team on the Real Lives series. And I have also found the BBC Radio Times listing for the episode, with a supporting write up to promote it. It features photos of the subjects and each one looked exactly as they did in my memory. 

If anyone else remembers this television program, do feel free to drop me a comment. 

And here are the photos that I have found connected to this wonderful television program.