The Date - Thursday 19th November 2009
A Date that is etched in my memory forever.
The Location- The Empire Hall at the Conservative Club in Totton, a small town a couple of miles away from Southampton.
An unlikely venue on the face of it. A Conservative Club of all places and me being trans and a lifelong socialist!
The Event - The Totton Disco
A long established monthly disco for trans people.
What Went Down? - My first night out as a Tgirl.
The Build Up
I had decided to come to terms with my femme self at the beginning of 2009 and the whole year had seen a slow but steady emergence of myself as a Tgirl. I had created an online femme presence, come out to my wife about being a crossdresser, and put together a wardrobe of clothes. Now came the next step. Going out as a Tgirl.
I had come out to my Wife about being a crossdresser in the August, and I had dressed a few times in private, but not gone out. I wanted to wait a little while so the dust had settled a bit and everything was as good as it could be on the home front, after dropping the 'Crossdressing Bombshell'.
By the end of October things seemed settled, so I mentioned the Totton Disco to my Wife, as being a good, safe and local place for me to go out en-femme for the first time. She agreed and gave it her blessing.
I mentioned that I was going on the UK Angels forum and got a lot of supportive messages. One girl from Portsmouth, Christina Mandy Day was a regular attendee of this event and she said it was a great place and would be perfect for my first night out. She said she would keep an eye out for me.
The next three weeks went by in a blur. All I could think about was my first night out. I was expecting some pushback or a wobble from my Wife, but there wasn't any.
I had planned my outfit and I had practiced getting ready a few times. I would be at work that day, and I needed to make sure I could get my make-up on and myself dressed and out of the door fairly quickly.
On the day, I could hardly concentrate at work. All I could think about was that night. I was almost feeling sick with nerves and excitement.
My Wife was actually really supportive. I used to work a mile away from my home, and normally walked to and from my workplace. But she offered to pick me up in the car, so I had more time to get myself ready. She had arranged for a friend to come over for a takeaway, so she wasn't going to be sat dwelling on things while I was out.
So at 5.30pm I left work and five minutes later I was home. The plan was that my Wife would stay in the kitchen with the door closed, while I got myself made up and dressed, and I would knock on the kitchen door and say goodbye when I was going out. My Wife was adamant that she never wanted to see me dressed and I was perfectly happy to agree to that. My house had a back entrance onto an alleyway and so we parked the car at the entrance to the alleyway, so I wouldn't be seen leaving by the front door. With everything set, it was time to get ready.
My getting ready and dressed went very smoothly. I did a good job on my make-up in record time, and dressed in a little black dress with a red tailored jacket over the top. I wore a pair of black 3inch heels, which I was used to walking in. Before I knew it, it was time to head off. The disco started at 7pm, but I decided to turn up at 8pm, so it would be in full flow by the time I arrived and I could slip in quietly. At least that was the plan (more about the downfall of my plan later).
I got safely to the car unchallenged and drove the three or so miles from Romsey to Totton. My first time out of the house as a Tgirl. My first time driving as a Tgirl. Sensibly I had worn a pair of slip on training shoes to drive in, and changed shoes when I arrived.
The Totton Disco
The Totton Disco was an event that had run for many years. Originally it was run by the Southampton based transgender organisation, The Mayflower Club. They had started out with a regular meeting at various venues in Southampton down the years, and eventually established this disco night in Totton. It was held in the Empire Hall. A function room belonging to and adjoining the local Conservative Club. Perhaps an unusual venue, given that the transgender community and the Conservative Party are not usually associated with each other. The disco took place on the third Thursday of each month.
I had made contact with the organiser, known as Tina Flying Lady on TV Chix. I later found out this was because she drove an old Rolls Royce car. She assured me I would be given a warm welcome.
In Through The Out Door
I arrived in Totton at 7.50pm and parked in the nearby library car park, about 200m away from the Conservative Club. I had been warned not to park in the closer car parks, due to their being dodgy parking fines in place. And on no account park at the venue as this was for members and staff only.
So I had to walk a couple of hundred metres through the centre of town, to the venue. I also had to stop at the ATM for some cash on the way. It was a little nerve-wracking being out on street in public, dressed en-femme. But there was no one out. It was a fairly innocuous kind of Autumn evening. Not especially cold. Cloudy but not raining and very still.
Soon I was at the venue. I used to live closer to Totton, so I knew the town well, and knew exactly where to go. At least as far as finding the place.
I walked through the door and into a corridor. Immediately to my left I saw a double door with glass windows. I looked in and saw a room full of women and disco lights. I could hear the rhythmic thud of dance music. This was the place.
I pushed open the doors, and suddenly everyone turned and looked at me. It was most disconcerting. I looked to the right and saw a group sat at a table with a cash box on it, by another door. This was obviously the correct way in. Rather than making a discreet entrance I had come crashing through the wrong entrance. Talk about in through the out door!
A tall, willowy girl came striding over with a bit of a frown on her face. This softened when she realised it wasn't someone trying to avoid paying, but a rather nervous and confused Tgirl on her first foray out in the world. She was very welcoming and friendly. She complimented me on my make-up. Then she showed me around. First stop, the correct entrance where I paid my entrance fee. She took me to the bathroom and showed me where I could change my clothes if I wanted and do my make up. I wouldn't need to use these, but it was worth knowing. Then she escorted me to the bar. I bought myself a diet cola, and I was then introduced to a tall girl whose name I forget. She led me to a table where she proceeded to tell me all about her life, while she sat in a mini skirt, manspreading and picking her nose, and drinking a pint of bitter. She was wearing women's clothes, but there wasn't a shred of femininity in her mannerisms or expression. It wasn't an auspicious start to my first night out.
Thankfully my friend from the Angels, Christina, came over and dragged me onto the dance floor. "I could see you needed rescuing" she said. I was so relieved. It felt so lovely to be dancing as a girl. I sat and chatted to Christina for a little while and then a pretty girl came over and introduced herself as Suzie. She invited me to meet her friends, Trudy and her wife Cathy and her friend Kirsty. They were lovely and we had a lovely chat. Kirsty was especially nice and went out of her way to make sure I was having a nice time on what was a special night.
A song that I had come to associate with my femme persona was 'The Promise' by Girls Aloud. It's such a feminine song. It was played that night, and I couldn't resist getting up and dancing. As I sashayed and swayed to the music, I was suddenly overcome by the emotions of the evening as I realised I was living my dream. I got a little tearful. But happy tears.
After another chat with Christina, I posed for a picture with her. Then Kirsty took a photo of myself to record my first ever night out. It was now 10.30pm. I knew my Wife's friend was leaving at 10pm, so I decided to head home a little early, so that she wouldn't have too long at home alone. I called her to say I was on my way, and said goodbye to my new friends.
I walked back to the carpark. Or rather I walked on air back to the car. I drove home carefully and got into the house without any problems. My Wife had headed to bed, so I changed back to drab in the spare bedroom. Then I headed to bed. My Wife asked how I got on. I said that I have enjoyed myself and met some nice people. She said she was glad, and we left it at that. I didn't want to appear too happy or elated.
But I was. I felt so incredibly happy. I was a proper girl out in the world at last. Something I'd always dreamed of. And something I needed so much.
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