July

 

Well I'm all for posiblogging and I try not to dwell on negative things, but I can't deny that July has been a very difficult month for me and my Wife. 

There was another heatwave, and this one seemed to go on and on. It really took a toll on my Wife, who's health problems is exacerbated by these extreme conditions. We really need to look at ways of establishing the bedroom as a cool room in the future. 

On top of this, after her mouth cancer scare, last month, now my Wife has had to go through a bowel cancer scare, after her routine bowel cancer screening came back with an inconsistent result. Thankfully she was all clear following a colonoscopy. It was a worry because bowel cancer is rife in her maternal family.  So that's a bullet dodged on this occasion. 

The use of hoists to get my Wife around the house is going OK, with it being much safer. But it is hard work for me. For most of my time as a carer, I've been doing the work of two people. With the introduction of the hoists, it's gone up to three. Just getting her from her chair in the lounge, and into bed takes 45 minutes. It used to take 15. But the danger has gone, so that's a big positive. 

My Wife has also developed a small pressure sore, which is making sitting in her chair uncomfortable, so has been staying in bed for a lot longer. It has destroyed our routine and means I'm spending more time looking after her.

As a result, my own routine has been shot to pieces, and there have been no opportunities to dress. So this lack of feminine expression has fed into a growing feeling of gender dysphoria, as I have to try and deny my femme needs.

My sense of dysphoria wasn't helped by a big problem with this blog suddenly having issues with the images that I have placed in the posts, over the last 18 months.  They suddenly became pixelated. And I'm afraid it triggered a neurodiverse melt down, which was very difficult to deal with. Now it's receding into the past, I feel stupid about letting it happen, but being autistic means that I can't control when things will overwhelm me. I can usually see the warning signs and take action to minimise my reactions, but this one blindsided me. So I had a difficult few days. I have discussed this elsewhere on the blog so I won't dwell on it here. The blog is being fixed, slowly but surely. I am slowly but surely re-centreing myself. All will be well. 

I took a short social media break to help in calming myself down, and it has helped. I'm returning renewed and stronger for it.

I have a new mobile phone. It's a Samsung Galaxy  S25fe which has replaced my S23 Ultra. Part of the problem with my blog images, was the massive photo file sizes created by the 200mp camera on the old phone. The files created by new phone with it's 50mp camera, should be much more manageable.  The phone needed replacing because it's going to be unsupported after next spring. At least this one has 7 years of support. Much better than the 3.5 years my old one had. 

So let's forget this horrible month and look  forwards. Hopefully I will get to try out the new camera next month, with some more dressing sessions.  I'm going to try and get my fitness campaign back on track after a bit of disruption in the last couple of weeks.  

So I'm sorry this hasn't been a very positive posting, but life is like that sometimes. And I don't try to dwell on that, but I'm not scared to acknowledge it either. 

But I do feel positive about the future, as difficult as it might be. I feel stronger and I am more determined than ever,  to make the most of things. 

Hey, that last statement was almost posiblogging! Here's hoping for of that next month 

Dee

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